The Red Carpet

I closed my left eye, readjusted my shoulders, took a deep breath, and swung.
And missed.
The axe embedded a few inches away from his neck. It’s okay, he’s dead. I’ve been hacking away at him for what feels like hours, he stopped screaming…eventually.
Thank god I put the plastic covering, down, you ever tried to get blood out of a cream carpet?
He had this coming, how many times do I have to say, ‘put the toilet seat down when you’re finished?’ Or ‘put the toothbrush lid on when you’re done’ But no, he just liked to push my buttons.
Well he pushed me too bloody far. I heave the axe back over my shoulder, changed my stance and one, two, three swung.
The axe doesn’t go cleanly through his neck, but he has gained a bloody smile under his chin. One more hit and I can start wrapping up his body.
Nope, no way this humpy dumpy is going to be put back together again.
The last hit of the axe severs the spinal cord, his head rolls away, quite impressive considering how large his nose is.
As I finish wrapping his body up, a knock brings my attention to the front door.
‘No, no, no.’ I’m not finished, not ready.
‘Mrs Dot, please open the door.’ A males voice I don’t recognise calls out to me.
I quickly open the suitcases, dropping in body parts with no sense of organisation.
Finally happy that everything needed to be where it should be, I took off the blood splatted apron, checked my reflection, opened the door and smiled.
The man smiled at me, ‘You called for a body removal Mrs Dot?’
The council collected all sorts of things these days, ‘Yes, he’s in the suitcases.’


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